Sunday, October 31, 2004
Hold Me Now
These lyrics are from this morning's church service. It illustrates part of a story from John 12:1-7; Luke 7:36-50. I think a feel a "sermon" coming on about this another day.
From glass alabaster, she poured out the depths of her soul,
Oh foot of Christ, would you wait if her harlotries known?
Falls a tear to darken the dirt of humblest offering, forgive the hurt.
She is strong enough to stand in your love, I can hear her say...
I am weak, I am poor.
I'm broken Lord, but I'm yours.
Hold me now, hold me now.
Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will.
To say that the bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled.
Point your finger and laugh if you choose,
To say my beloved is borrowed and used,
She is strong enough to stand in my love, I can hear her say...
I am weak, I am poor.
I'm broken Lord, but I'm yours.
Hold me now, hold me now.
From glass alabaster, she poured out the depths of her soul,
Oh foot of Christ, would you wait if her harlotries known?
Falls a tear to darken the dirt of humblest offering, forgive the hurt.
She is strong enough to stand in your love, I can hear her say...
I am weak, I am poor.
I'm broken Lord, but I'm yours.
Hold me now, hold me now.
Let he without sin cast the first stone if you will.
To say that the bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled.
Point your finger and laugh if you choose,
To say my beloved is borrowed and used,
She is strong enough to stand in my love, I can hear her say...
I am weak, I am poor.
I'm broken Lord, but I'm yours.
Hold me now, hold me now.
Saturday, October 30, 2004
look ma, no tooth!
There are many rites of passage we travel through to adulthood. Matthew passed one today...the first tooth to fall out. Well, to be wiggled out actually. He can't wait to go to school on Monday and smile at all the kids. Oh man, Halloween party Friday, missing tooth for Monday. He's euphoric!
say what?
Saw this great quote today:
Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead.
Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Who's Image?
Daycare licensing recommends posting handwashing instructions/diagrams at the bathroom sink. Not being one to be satisfied with the “status quo”, the internet printouts didn’t seem either interesting or kid friendly. So, I took a series of non-identifying digital photos of Matthew’s arms and shoulders as he performed the routine. After some sequencing and captions the poster was complete, and is taped to the wall above the sink.
This summer a 3 year old girl would always say “That’s me” while looking at the poster and washing her hands. At first I thought she said that because she was so ego-centric (as most of us are). But as other children have come to my place I’ve noticed identical comments from each of the children. One boy always says “That’s me” followed by “That’s Matthew”. Today this observance triggered a thought.
We are all works in progress, with events that create and define us. Along the way we find we can almost stand outside ourselves and take a snapshot of that moment in time. We remember where we lived, who we were with, the smells, colours, sounds and feelings. Is something overtaking your senses as you read this?
Do you remember your snapshots? Now arrange them, any way you want to. They don’t have to make sense chronologically or thematically. They are a template of you, filled with all aspects the emotion, sentiment, temperament.
Remember those children at my place who look at Matthew’s picture sequence and say “That’s me”? See your own sheet? Now picture God standing at it and saying “That’s Me.” How does that make you feel? Pretty amazing, isn’t it? Humbling. But true. We are all created in His image, and He is perfect. When He looks at our life He sees Himself. Think about that for a while. Kind of feels great, hey? You're not vain. Just roll around in that thought for a while. He loves you.
This summer a 3 year old girl would always say “That’s me” while looking at the poster and washing her hands. At first I thought she said that because she was so ego-centric (as most of us are). But as other children have come to my place I’ve noticed identical comments from each of the children. One boy always says “That’s me” followed by “That’s Matthew”. Today this observance triggered a thought.
We are all works in progress, with events that create and define us. Along the way we find we can almost stand outside ourselves and take a snapshot of that moment in time. We remember where we lived, who we were with, the smells, colours, sounds and feelings. Is something overtaking your senses as you read this?
Do you remember your snapshots? Now arrange them, any way you want to. They don’t have to make sense chronologically or thematically. They are a template of you, filled with all aspects the emotion, sentiment, temperament.
Remember those children at my place who look at Matthew’s picture sequence and say “That’s me”? See your own sheet? Now picture God standing at it and saying “That’s Me.” How does that make you feel? Pretty amazing, isn’t it? Humbling. But true. We are all created in His image, and He is perfect. When He looks at our life He sees Himself. Think about that for a while. Kind of feels great, hey? You're not vain. Just roll around in that thought for a while. He loves you.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
pondering Christ's influence
Isaiah 42:1-4
Here is my servant, whom I have chosen, the one I love, and with whom I am pleased. I will send my spirit upon him, and he will announce my judgment to the nations. He will not argue or shout, or make loud speeches in the streets. He will not break off a bent reed, nor put out a flickering lamp. He will persist until he causes justice to triumph, and on him all the peoples will put their hope.
Jesus was not who people thought He would be. They wanted someone who could deliver their people from national bondage and oppression…that of the physical realm. This physical deliverance has never yet been realized.
However, what would be the point to “healing the symptom” rather than “curing the disease.” If Christ had given Israel the deliverance they had anticipated, he would have been a revolutionary leader. Their religion may have influenced other dominated people groups in their vicinity, and they may have had more affluence which would allow them to travel more freely (once again, spreading their faith). As wonderful as that could have been, Christ accomplished so much more. People have been given love where there was judgment, and God’s righteousness where they had sacrifices.
It was freedom that people expected Jesus to give…yet they did not see it when that which they yearned for was offered. The flesh is temporal; the spirit eternal. What Christ did for all solved the “sin problem” at the root of all nations, thereby setting them free from the bondage which creates every other physical bondage. His freedom work has not been limited to those of his birth country, but to people every where and in all times. This is a work far more powerful than any other king or judge. We see that this is the Hope of the world – Christ.
Here is my servant, whom I have chosen, the one I love, and with whom I am pleased. I will send my spirit upon him, and he will announce my judgment to the nations. He will not argue or shout, or make loud speeches in the streets. He will not break off a bent reed, nor put out a flickering lamp. He will persist until he causes justice to triumph, and on him all the peoples will put their hope.
Jesus was not who people thought He would be. They wanted someone who could deliver their people from national bondage and oppression…that of the physical realm. This physical deliverance has never yet been realized.
However, what would be the point to “healing the symptom” rather than “curing the disease.” If Christ had given Israel the deliverance they had anticipated, he would have been a revolutionary leader. Their religion may have influenced other dominated people groups in their vicinity, and they may have had more affluence which would allow them to travel more freely (once again, spreading their faith). As wonderful as that could have been, Christ accomplished so much more. People have been given love where there was judgment, and God’s righteousness where they had sacrifices.
It was freedom that people expected Jesus to give…yet they did not see it when that which they yearned for was offered. The flesh is temporal; the spirit eternal. What Christ did for all solved the “sin problem” at the root of all nations, thereby setting them free from the bondage which creates every other physical bondage. His freedom work has not been limited to those of his birth country, but to people every where and in all times. This is a work far more powerful than any other king or judge. We see that this is the Hope of the world – Christ.
...runneth over
Carolyn writes about the toilet experience. Ah yes, the sights and sounds.
Yesterday I went to the bathroom (amazingly enough I did that despite the 4 children under the age of 5 running around) and felt the stress we all get when the water never declines. Up, up up. No!!! I reached for the plunger knowing that immediate action was necessary. I plunged with short, quick, repetitive strokes, which to the plunger expert is the best way for minimum spillage and maximum response. As the water sloshed in and out of the throat of the toilet I heard a faint clinking sound. Could be a problem. 4 children...a toy maybe? Suddenly the sound became that of pure water (okay tainted, but the word pure sounds better) and the level decreased. The object was gone, and I don't care what it was. The less I know the better, because I don't want to wonder where else it may be or what is missing. I've been looking for a set of plastic keys for weeks now. Maybe.... Perhaps on the next flush.
Yesterday I went to the bathroom (amazingly enough I did that despite the 4 children under the age of 5 running around) and felt the stress we all get when the water never declines. Up, up up. No!!! I reached for the plunger knowing that immediate action was necessary. I plunged with short, quick, repetitive strokes, which to the plunger expert is the best way for minimum spillage and maximum response. As the water sloshed in and out of the throat of the toilet I heard a faint clinking sound. Could be a problem. 4 children...a toy maybe? Suddenly the sound became that of pure water (okay tainted, but the word pure sounds better) and the level decreased. The object was gone, and I don't care what it was. The less I know the better, because I don't want to wonder where else it may be or what is missing. I've been looking for a set of plastic keys for weeks now. Maybe.... Perhaps on the next flush.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Loss
Grief comes to all. Whether it be on occasion of a death, divorce, devastation of a dream, we all face it. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross has formulated the "5 steps of grief", which many people use. Do you believe in the steps? Check them out here. Now check out this response to it. Where do you stand?
Here's a writing I found on the internet. Sorry, can't find it again to put where or who the author is.
With all Life gives, in everyday,
Dear Lord teach me now, how to pray,
Give me Strength,
Give me Hope,
Teach me please, how to Cope.
Give me Faith,
Give me Trust,
For Peace-of-Mind, this is a must.
Calm my Anger, imprison my Hate,
I want to be Happy before it's too late.
I know of Sorrow, and a little of Pain,
But for plants to grow, there must be rain.
Show me how to say Goodbye,
Teach me now, how not to Cry.
Lord; explain to me "Why?",
Death does come, "How?",
When you add it all together, this is the lump Sum.
Teach me how to face my Fear,
Letting me know that you are near.
Walk me thru the steps of Grief,
All this I ask in True Belief....
That there is a God,and a Heaven to see,
From where God and Dad watch over Me!
Here's a writing I found on the internet. Sorry, can't find it again to put where or who the author is.
With all Life gives, in everyday,
Dear Lord teach me now, how to pray,
Give me Strength,
Give me Hope,
Teach me please, how to Cope.
Give me Faith,
Give me Trust,
For Peace-of-Mind, this is a must.
Calm my Anger, imprison my Hate,
I want to be Happy before it's too late.
I know of Sorrow, and a little of Pain,
But for plants to grow, there must be rain.
Show me how to say Goodbye,
Teach me now, how not to Cry.
Lord; explain to me "Why?",
Death does come, "How?",
When you add it all together, this is the lump Sum.
Teach me how to face my Fear,
Letting me know that you are near.
Walk me thru the steps of Grief,
All this I ask in True Belief....
That there is a God,and a Heaven to see,
From where God and Dad watch over Me!
Friday, October 22, 2004
A Prayer
Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Ocean Floor by Audio Adrenaline
The mistakes i've made
that cause pain
i could've done without
oh my selfish thoughts
oh my pride the things i...
you have forgotten about
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
of the ocean floor
My misdeeds oh my grief
the things that harm me now
they're not a pretty site to see
but they wipe away
by a mighty, mighty wave...mighty, mighty wave
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are erased
and they are no more
they're out on the ocean floor
take them away...
to return no more...
take them away...
to the ocean floor...
to the ocean floor...
that cause pain
i could've done without
oh my selfish thoughts
oh my pride the things i...
you have forgotten about
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
of the ocean floor
My misdeeds oh my grief
the things that harm me now
they're not a pretty site to see
but they wipe away
by a mighty, mighty wave...mighty, mighty wave
they're all behind you
they'll never find you
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are forgotten
they're on the bottom
they're on the ocean floor
your sins are erased
and they are no more
they're out on the ocean floor
take them away...
to return no more...
take them away...
to the ocean floor...
to the ocean floor...
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Names
Sushi wrote about name and identity. Her post was serious, thoughtful, and powerful. I too have some names besides the one given at my birth. There are many versions of pet names for Annette. Annetski, Nestki, Nettie are the most common. There is a nickname that most of you don't know about. Here's the story.
In grade 6 I used to compete for top grades with a boy named Ken Cormier. He was from a family of smart kids, and he was definitely bright. I think there was some rivalry in his opinion, because he designed a name for me - fish lips. Do you know how many years it took for me to find out? At least 4! Ken and I began to attend the same church in the following years, we became great friends, he played piano for me all the time, and then one day I found out. Betrayal! How could he keep such a great name from me all these years!
By the way, if you ever want to know why he called me that, take a look at how narrow my lips are. Kind of like a guppy.
In grade 6 I used to compete for top grades with a boy named Ken Cormier. He was from a family of smart kids, and he was definitely bright. I think there was some rivalry in his opinion, because he designed a name for me - fish lips. Do you know how many years it took for me to find out? At least 4! Ken and I began to attend the same church in the following years, we became great friends, he played piano for me all the time, and then one day I found out. Betrayal! How could he keep such a great name from me all these years!
By the way, if you ever want to know why he called me that, take a look at how narrow my lips are. Kind of like a guppy.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Get up again
Things aren't always easy in this mortal existence we all fight through, and at many times we need to decide to either let life get to us or let it go. At street church I was up dancing (yes, without a microphone this time) when the following song was played. It was my theme for the night, and for the ensuing days. I stood in front of the speaker with my arms out and let the song wash over me.
We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the better times
I get knocked down
But I get up again
Don't cry for me
Next door neighbour...
"I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing...
Don't stay down. Don't let your joy be stolen from you.
We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him
Of the better times
I get knocked down
But I get up again
Don't cry for me
Next door neighbour...
"I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
We'll be singing
When we're winning
We'll be singing...
Don't stay down. Don't let your joy be stolen from you.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
sad but true
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in.............and then the trouble started.
Angel
Sometimes life brings you an angel. I have one - her name is Kathy. She is the woman who raised Matthew from birth for 8 months, until we adopted him.
When I first met Kathy and Matthew, I was scared. I didn't know how to be a mom, and I was meeting a child that was used to a different mother figure who knew his habits, preferences, diet, communication cues. I had little experience with children, and this was definitely a child!
When talking on the phone prior to our visit Kathy told me people would stop her in the mall to look at Matthew because he was so beautiful. When we pulled up to her house on that first day Kathy was standing at the curb, holding a baby facing outward toward the traffic. Remembering what she said about Matthew's looks as I noticed the baby, I wondered "why is she not holding Matthew? Who is that?" When we got out of the car she introduced us to him and I thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder. As the 3 day visit ensued, I began to see wonderful things about his features, and most importantly about his heart. She had raised a loving, resilient, funny boy.
The purpose of our visit with her was to spend time with Matthew, and have her gradually hand off the responsibility and bonding to us. He struggled with bonding with me, because she was there. As there was no adult male in the house, bonding with Brander was immediate. The whole time we were there, Kathy kept affirming that we were the perfect parents for Matthew. As difficult as it was for her, she relinquished affection and caretaking and coached me in the role. When we would have a setback she would keep saying "I'm so glad that you're his parents. You're perfect for him. You'll do so well." She believed in us when we didn't. I know this is the theme of my blogs. It's life-changing.
Kathy has used this with many of the people in her life. She spent long years as a foster parent, with dozens of difficult children and families. Her style was always the same: encouragement, acceptance and love. It didn't change every life, but it changed mine.
In another pre-meeting phone call I asked Kathy what kind of relationship she would like, especially since Matthew had been with her for so many months. I knew she must love him. She said she didn't expect anything we didn't want to give, but if any relationship at all, to be an Aunty would be nice. She is much more than that. She is an Aunty, a friend, a sister. In my heart she's an angel, because she spoke life to me when she believed in me.
When I first met Kathy and Matthew, I was scared. I didn't know how to be a mom, and I was meeting a child that was used to a different mother figure who knew his habits, preferences, diet, communication cues. I had little experience with children, and this was definitely a child!
When talking on the phone prior to our visit Kathy told me people would stop her in the mall to look at Matthew because he was so beautiful. When we pulled up to her house on that first day Kathy was standing at the curb, holding a baby facing outward toward the traffic. Remembering what she said about Matthew's looks as I noticed the baby, I wondered "why is she not holding Matthew? Who is that?" When we got out of the car she introduced us to him and I thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder. As the 3 day visit ensued, I began to see wonderful things about his features, and most importantly about his heart. She had raised a loving, resilient, funny boy.
The purpose of our visit with her was to spend time with Matthew, and have her gradually hand off the responsibility and bonding to us. He struggled with bonding with me, because she was there. As there was no adult male in the house, bonding with Brander was immediate. The whole time we were there, Kathy kept affirming that we were the perfect parents for Matthew. As difficult as it was for her, she relinquished affection and caretaking and coached me in the role. When we would have a setback she would keep saying "I'm so glad that you're his parents. You're perfect for him. You'll do so well." She believed in us when we didn't. I know this is the theme of my blogs. It's life-changing.
Kathy has used this with many of the people in her life. She spent long years as a foster parent, with dozens of difficult children and families. Her style was always the same: encouragement, acceptance and love. It didn't change every life, but it changed mine.
In another pre-meeting phone call I asked Kathy what kind of relationship she would like, especially since Matthew had been with her for so many months. I knew she must love him. She said she didn't expect anything we didn't want to give, but if any relationship at all, to be an Aunty would be nice. She is much more than that. She is an Aunty, a friend, a sister. In my heart she's an angel, because she spoke life to me when she believed in me.
Monday, October 11, 2004
A 4 year old boy I look after told me this week that he has the best mom in the world. I smiled, agreed with him, and told him that he has the best mommy for him. When I saw her that night I told her how much her son adored her and she told me of some of the wonderful times they've been having together. She credited him for the wonderful things he has been saying to her.
As parents we find ourselves in situations where we wonder if we have made the right choice. I wonder sometimes if I'm the right kind of parent for my son. I struggle with the fact that as an adult he will have memories that aren't always what I would want them to be, as most of us do. Then I remind myself to believe a post written a short while ago...."It's okay to make mistakes".
That crede doesn't give me permission to be careless. It gives me the understanding that I don't want to make a decision that will be destructive, but that if in the daily working out of my life I fail on some points I can forgive myself. It motivates me to abuse the crede less, not more.
As parents we find ourselves in situations where we wonder if we have made the right choice. I wonder sometimes if I'm the right kind of parent for my son. I struggle with the fact that as an adult he will have memories that aren't always what I would want them to be, as most of us do. Then I remind myself to believe a post written a short while ago...."It's okay to make mistakes".
That crede doesn't give me permission to be careless. It gives me the understanding that I don't want to make a decision that will be destructive, but that if in the daily working out of my life I fail on some points I can forgive myself. It motivates me to abuse the crede less, not more.
Friday, October 08, 2004
My blog style
Blogging in the style that I use can be a very vulnerable experience. You know what I mean. Really I shouldn't as this is a public site for anyone to read, but this tendency is hard to ignore. I don't blog to ramble or to fill space or time. I'm not informed on current events enough to link to interesting articles. This is about my personal journey, and also the journey of others. If I seem to "harp" on an issue or psychosis it's because I feel deep in my heart that is the timely thing, not only as an expression of myself and fundamental in my healing, but also as a way of accompanying others though their journey. I pray as I do it (not saying this as a way to make myself superior to anyone, but to tell you some of what I do and what I am on this blog experience). It's not just for me, it's for others too.
For many years I've been a strong woman who doesn't give credence to issues. "Get over it" has been my quiet theory for other people and myself. That has been good for the large portion of my life. Right now I'm in a time where I'm confronting the things I've used that attitude on, which have tended to resurface at different unpredictable points of my life. Things I had moved on from presumably had moved on with me. This is a time to bury them and live free. The process has been fast...6 weeks. But perhaps to those who have read the step by step trip of it all it seems narcissistic and painfully slow.
When I read the other blogs of some in the church I realize that I'm not the only one processing life, expressing the ugly things, and finding the healing. It's a God thing in a strong way. Though the blog format is public, some people are finding freedom in writing through their issues because it's forcing them to articulate that which they wanted to surpress. And the mutual support they are finding through this method has been making them brave to continue dealing with their crap. Not only that, but making some of them feel accepted and part of a family, perhaps for the first time.
Some may feel excluded from this "community" for any number of reasons. That is something I can't help. If you feel excluded, begin your own blog. If you can't blog in the same style as Brander then choose your own style. If a blog site repulses you then don't read it. This isn't a competition for who will be chosen as Homecoming King/Queen (or in my school, the Prince and Princess). For me, it's a way of working through life...the good and the bad. The times when God feels close, and the times when I cry out for Him. I don't know all the readers personally, but would guess that most of us are on that same journey. We just choose different ways to live it.
For many years I've been a strong woman who doesn't give credence to issues. "Get over it" has been my quiet theory for other people and myself. That has been good for the large portion of my life. Right now I'm in a time where I'm confronting the things I've used that attitude on, which have tended to resurface at different unpredictable points of my life. Things I had moved on from presumably had moved on with me. This is a time to bury them and live free. The process has been fast...6 weeks. But perhaps to those who have read the step by step trip of it all it seems narcissistic and painfully slow.
When I read the other blogs of some in the church I realize that I'm not the only one processing life, expressing the ugly things, and finding the healing. It's a God thing in a strong way. Though the blog format is public, some people are finding freedom in writing through their issues because it's forcing them to articulate that which they wanted to surpress. And the mutual support they are finding through this method has been making them brave to continue dealing with their crap. Not only that, but making some of them feel accepted and part of a family, perhaps for the first time.
Some may feel excluded from this "community" for any number of reasons. That is something I can't help. If you feel excluded, begin your own blog. If you can't blog in the same style as Brander then choose your own style. If a blog site repulses you then don't read it. This isn't a competition for who will be chosen as Homecoming King/Queen (or in my school, the Prince and Princess). For me, it's a way of working through life...the good and the bad. The times when God feels close, and the times when I cry out for Him. I don't know all the readers personally, but would guess that most of us are on that same journey. We just choose different ways to live it.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
What Can I Do For You
You have given everything to me.
What can I do for You?
You have given me eyes to see.
What can I do for You?
Pulled me out of bondage and You made me renewed inside,
Filled up a hunger that had always been denied,
Opened up a door no man can shut and You opened it up so wide
And You've chosen me to be among the few.
What can I do for You?
You have laid down Your life for me.
What can I do for You?
You have explained every mystery.
What can I do for You?
Soon as a man is born, you know the sparks begin to fly,
He gets wise in his own eyes and he's made to believe a lie.
Who would deliver him from the death he's bound to die?
Well, You've done it all and there's no more anyone can pretend to do.
What can I do for You?
You have given all there is to give.
What can I do for You?
You have given me life to live.
How can I live for You?
I know all about poison, I know all about fiery darts,
I don't care how rough the road is, show me where it starts,
Whatever pleases You, tell it to my heart.
Well, I don't deserve it but I sure did make it through.
What can I do for You?
by Bob Dylan
What can I do for You?
You have given me eyes to see.
What can I do for You?
Pulled me out of bondage and You made me renewed inside,
Filled up a hunger that had always been denied,
Opened up a door no man can shut and You opened it up so wide
And You've chosen me to be among the few.
What can I do for You?
You have laid down Your life for me.
What can I do for You?
You have explained every mystery.
What can I do for You?
Soon as a man is born, you know the sparks begin to fly,
He gets wise in his own eyes and he's made to believe a lie.
Who would deliver him from the death he's bound to die?
Well, You've done it all and there's no more anyone can pretend to do.
What can I do for You?
You have given all there is to give.
What can I do for You?
You have given me life to live.
How can I live for You?
I know all about poison, I know all about fiery darts,
I don't care how rough the road is, show me where it starts,
Whatever pleases You, tell it to my heart.
Well, I don't deserve it but I sure did make it through.
What can I do for You?
by Bob Dylan
Cement Shoes
Biscotti wrote this:
I've been blogging for a while about my struggles, and reading the struggles of others. Exploring forgiveness, wholeness and love. And sometimes it feels as if breakthough is imminent... and sometimes it feels like I'm wearing cement shoes, and every step (forward or back) is a struggle. And during those times I am convinced that I have to continue to plod; it is my duty to continue to move forward.
Read the whole thing
I've been blogging for a while about my struggles, and reading the struggles of others. Exploring forgiveness, wholeness and love. And sometimes it feels as if breakthough is imminent... and sometimes it feels like I'm wearing cement shoes, and every step (forward or back) is a struggle. And during those times I am convinced that I have to continue to plod; it is my duty to continue to move forward.
Read the whole thing
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
The Lord Is Gracious and Compassionate
by Graham Ord
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
And the Lord is good to all
He has compassion in all that He has made
As far as the east is from the west
That’s how far
He has removed our transgressions from us (repeat)
Praise the Lord, oh my soul Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord, oh my soul Praise the Lord
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
The Lord is gracious and compassionate
Slow to anger and rich in love
And the Lord is good to all
He has compassion in all that He has made
As far as the east is from the west
That’s how far
He has removed our transgressions from us (repeat)
Praise the Lord, oh my soul Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord, oh my soul Praise the Lord
Monday, October 04, 2004
Anger and Tears
written by Susan Aglukark
Too many nights she lay awake
Fighting back the tears
Too many years were wasted
Living in her fears
Her innocence was taken away
Replaced by memories
So many times she's wondered
How would her life have been?
Where were the strong arms
To keep her safe at nights?
What made her laughter disappear?
When will the hurting stop and the memories fade?
And will she find someone to wash away
The anger and the tears?
She prays to God to wash away
The anger and the tears.
She's waiting for the light to shine
And burn the dark away
She's hoping that the child she was
Can live with yesterday
She prays for the shame to end
Though it hasn't happened yet
She thinks that one day maybe she'll forgive but not forget.
God help us to also forget. He washes away our tears. He takes our memories away and gives us His life instead. Don't lose Hope! And in those moments when you do, I'll hope for you...we'll all hope for you. You are not alone.
Too many nights she lay awake
Fighting back the tears
Too many years were wasted
Living in her fears
Her innocence was taken away
Replaced by memories
So many times she's wondered
How would her life have been?
Where were the strong arms
To keep her safe at nights?
What made her laughter disappear?
When will the hurting stop and the memories fade?
And will she find someone to wash away
The anger and the tears?
She prays to God to wash away
The anger and the tears.
She's waiting for the light to shine
And burn the dark away
She's hoping that the child she was
Can live with yesterday
She prays for the shame to end
Though it hasn't happened yet
She thinks that one day maybe she'll forgive but not forget.
God help us to also forget. He washes away our tears. He takes our memories away and gives us His life instead. Don't lose Hope! And in those moments when you do, I'll hope for you...we'll all hope for you. You are not alone.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Watery Grave
I need to go to the river. To cast my cares into the water and watch them sink to the grave. Ah, but to leave them there will be the challenge. To depart from that moment and know that I am not the person I was then I came, when it would be more familiar to still bear these things in my soul.
Does this sound like your life? You need to go to the river. Maybe you need a purging flame - to write down those things that you know are destroying you and turn the tables on them. Destroy them first. But then what will take their place? Will you in sickness be lonely once the specters have been put to rest? Moms, dads. children, lovers, friends, sisters, brothers, teachers, pastors. When you've given them up what will fill the chasm that they have occupied as you've given them more and more room in your life?
You've been co-dependent on your death grip. Do you hear that? Not on the people, for many of them are no longer with you. You're co-dependent on the space you have given them in your life. You can't forgive. You can't let them die. You will be empty. You don't know what to do next.
Do you?.....
Does this sound like your life? You need to go to the river. Maybe you need a purging flame - to write down those things that you know are destroying you and turn the tables on them. Destroy them first. But then what will take their place? Will you in sickness be lonely once the specters have been put to rest? Moms, dads. children, lovers, friends, sisters, brothers, teachers, pastors. When you've given them up what will fill the chasm that they have occupied as you've given them more and more room in your life?
You've been co-dependent on your death grip. Do you hear that? Not on the people, for many of them are no longer with you. You're co-dependent on the space you have given them in your life. You can't forgive. You can't let them die. You will be empty. You don't know what to do next.
Do you?.....
