Sunday, October 17, 2004
Angel
Sometimes life brings you an angel. I have one - her name is Kathy. She is the woman who raised Matthew from birth for 8 months, until we adopted him.
When I first met Kathy and Matthew, I was scared. I didn't know how to be a mom, and I was meeting a child that was used to a different mother figure who knew his habits, preferences, diet, communication cues. I had little experience with children, and this was definitely a child!
When talking on the phone prior to our visit Kathy told me people would stop her in the mall to look at Matthew because he was so beautiful. When we pulled up to her house on that first day Kathy was standing at the curb, holding a baby facing outward toward the traffic. Remembering what she said about Matthew's looks as I noticed the baby, I wondered "why is she not holding Matthew? Who is that?" When we got out of the car she introduced us to him and I thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder. As the 3 day visit ensued, I began to see wonderful things about his features, and most importantly about his heart. She had raised a loving, resilient, funny boy.
The purpose of our visit with her was to spend time with Matthew, and have her gradually hand off the responsibility and bonding to us. He struggled with bonding with me, because she was there. As there was no adult male in the house, bonding with Brander was immediate. The whole time we were there, Kathy kept affirming that we were the perfect parents for Matthew. As difficult as it was for her, she relinquished affection and caretaking and coached me in the role. When we would have a setback she would keep saying "I'm so glad that you're his parents. You're perfect for him. You'll do so well." She believed in us when we didn't. I know this is the theme of my blogs. It's life-changing.
Kathy has used this with many of the people in her life. She spent long years as a foster parent, with dozens of difficult children and families. Her style was always the same: encouragement, acceptance and love. It didn't change every life, but it changed mine.
In another pre-meeting phone call I asked Kathy what kind of relationship she would like, especially since Matthew had been with her for so many months. I knew she must love him. She said she didn't expect anything we didn't want to give, but if any relationship at all, to be an Aunty would be nice. She is much more than that. She is an Aunty, a friend, a sister. In my heart she's an angel, because she spoke life to me when she believed in me.
When I first met Kathy and Matthew, I was scared. I didn't know how to be a mom, and I was meeting a child that was used to a different mother figure who knew his habits, preferences, diet, communication cues. I had little experience with children, and this was definitely a child!
When talking on the phone prior to our visit Kathy told me people would stop her in the mall to look at Matthew because he was so beautiful. When we pulled up to her house on that first day Kathy was standing at the curb, holding a baby facing outward toward the traffic. Remembering what she said about Matthew's looks as I noticed the baby, I wondered "why is she not holding Matthew? Who is that?" When we got out of the car she introduced us to him and I thought beauty was in the eye of the beholder. As the 3 day visit ensued, I began to see wonderful things about his features, and most importantly about his heart. She had raised a loving, resilient, funny boy.
The purpose of our visit with her was to spend time with Matthew, and have her gradually hand off the responsibility and bonding to us. He struggled with bonding with me, because she was there. As there was no adult male in the house, bonding with Brander was immediate. The whole time we were there, Kathy kept affirming that we were the perfect parents for Matthew. As difficult as it was for her, she relinquished affection and caretaking and coached me in the role. When we would have a setback she would keep saying "I'm so glad that you're his parents. You're perfect for him. You'll do so well." She believed in us when we didn't. I know this is the theme of my blogs. It's life-changing.
Kathy has used this with many of the people in her life. She spent long years as a foster parent, with dozens of difficult children and families. Her style was always the same: encouragement, acceptance and love. It didn't change every life, but it changed mine.
In another pre-meeting phone call I asked Kathy what kind of relationship she would like, especially since Matthew had been with her for so many months. I knew she must love him. She said she didn't expect anything we didn't want to give, but if any relationship at all, to be an Aunty would be nice. She is much more than that. She is an Aunty, a friend, a sister. In my heart she's an angel, because she spoke life to me when she believed in me.
// posted by Annette @ 1:11 a.m. 