be-musings

A happy story I read:

Saying Grace in a Restaurant Last week, I took my children to a restaurant. 
My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great.
Thank you For the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert.
And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!" 

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark,
"That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.
Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!" 

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me,
"Did I do it wrong?Is God mad at me?" As I held him and assured him that he had done
a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. 
He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." 

"Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added
(indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream.
A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes." 

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment,
and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word,
walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her,
"Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

I'm in the midst of mediating between a couple of parties who are clients, and so far the outcome is uncertain. It's causing me some difficulties, because I want the situation resolved well for all parties; but it is becoming evident that it might not be possible. As the person in the middle there are only so many cards I can play from the other side, to keep privacy, integrity, and reduce hostility. This isn't actually my job, but I've had some experience at it in the past and really, I'm the only person even on the payroll besides the consultant. Today while driving home and thinking about each side. I could see the similarities in relationship breakdowns of many kinds.
Each party is adamant that their side is the correct one. Sometimes absolutely correct, or at least the most correct. I remember a friend of mine saying "In every relationship breakdown there are 3 stories. His story, her story, and the right story. Perhaps it can also be said that there are 3 truths. Not that any party is trying to deceive, and perhaps one party is mostly in the right and has just cause for the dispute. But everything we observe or think or react to is through a filter. We read tones, movements, things said, and things not said. I guess the key is how to keep the relationship as clear as possible by ensuring we are using the same filter. It isn't possible, but it sure would be helpful.
There are some people in my life that I haven't always agreed with, nor have they agreed with me. Sometimes it has resulted in a permanent parting, and other times in parting for a little while. It all hurts, and they would say the same thing. Sometimes space is good for healing, as long as there is humility and love from each side.

I used to write more things of "significance" than I have the past several months. Oh sure, some posts are deep and philosophical, but many are about regular things of life. I suppose that isn't too bad, but also there are lapses in posting. It isn't for lack of thoughts but more for how busy work, church, and family keep me. It's a good busy, filled with much happiness, as I've mentioned before.
There is another reason why I don't blog my thoughts. I'm concerned that if I write about some of the things I've been learning about life, divorce, viewpoints on church/God, that the posts will be interpreted with a bias. That is unavoidable, but it's the kind of bias that makes me hesitate.
There are people who read my blog as well as my ex-husband's and that of his new wife. On a few occasions I have talked to people about what I was going to write and cautioned not to because it is a topic on the other blogs, and my opinion is not the same as the content there. Normally I don't mind having a different opinion than another person, but I don't want to start a circus or speculation about motivations. I personally read almost exclusively the blogs listed on my sidebar, so if my writings seem timed as an aim against or for any other blog, it isn't so. It would just be coincidence. I want to say this for those who read many more blogs than I do, and correlate them.
Well, I've put it out there now. I want to be able to write my thoughts (within reason) and what I'm learning. It helps me to form ideas better when I do. I also want to be tactful and not hurt others by my opinions. And by the way, nothing will really be controversial. I save that for other people.

I've blogged before about watching cooking shows. I'm going to join some of the people who blog recipes, though how often I'm not sure. Maybe once a week. If you have any good ones, let me know. The first one is thick teriyaki sauce.
We cook wings once a week, and they have to be teriyaki. We like them cooked to a fall apart stage, which not everyone does. First I put paprika and salt on them, broil on each side for a while (until the skin shrinks a bit), then turn the oven down to 350 and cook for at least another hour. Sounds crazy, but the sauce is less slimy and the meat isn't tough. We usually use bottled sauce at $4.50/bottle (we use almost the whole thing by the time the meat is done). I found this recipe for much cheaper, and it rivals the packaged stuff. 5 minutes and you can be done the sauce. Here it is:

1/4 cup soy sauce
1 cup water
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
5 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1-2 tablespoon honey
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 cup cold water

Mix all but cornstarch and 1/4c water in a sauce pan and begin heating. Mix cornstarch and cold water in a cup and dissolve. Add to sauce in pan. Heat until sauce thickens to desired thickness. Add water to thin if you over-thicken it.

Beaver Cleaver is dead. A friend of mine once said talked about the (16 year) gap between he and his brother, in terms of world/family outlook. He said he was hard on himself because he didn't have a Beaver Cleaver life. For a generation that seemed to be the goal, although behind the scenes the housewives gambled with their girlfriends and hid gin in the water bottle for the iron. Divorce wasn't as prevalent as now, but affairs and illegitimately conceived babies still happened. Physical violence in the home was almost a man's right rather than his shame. Hiding all sort of troubles were the main concern, to be seen as an upstanding citizen. Keep up with the Jones' reputation.
Now, in the generation of Family Guy, the Osborne family, Sex in the City, and a plethora of "reality" TV shows (which honestly are so sensational they aren't at all real), some personal expectations have changed. Now keeping up with the Jones' means money or possessions. Okay, maybe money owed to the bank for possessions.
Times always change. Dylan wrote about that. I can still remember my high school principal singing that song at my sister's graduation.
A number of years ago, disillusioned by office troubles and the inter-relational disputes I was refereeing, I began to feel that everyone around me was whacked, even if only slightly. I had difficulty seeing normalcy in anyone, and in my frustration began to believe that I was the only normal one. I was the only sane person.
This mirage wasn't long lived, and in fact now it seems the opposite. Not that any of you are normal or sane. In fact, the ones that appear to be have things lurking under the surface. I've come to believe that this is what defines "normal". We're scarred and tainted and bruised and...weird. Some of us more than others, but all of us in some way.
At Bible Study we're reviewing Old Testament legends and what they teach us about faithfulness - and messiness. It's everywhere. Adam and Eve messed up when they ate what they were warned not to and tried to cover the truth from the greatest mind reader of all time. Don't judge them harshly; how many of us would have done the same thing in the same situation. Then there is Jacob. He never should have received the blessing, because God knew what he did. Yet he was blessed. Everywhere in the Bible human failure is prevalent. Abraham tried to pass Sarah off as his sister and "give her" to a ruler on two occasions. Sarah didn't believe God's promise (it was so irrational) and convinced Abraham to make it come true by sleeping with another woman. That didn't end very well. David wrote wonderful songs of worship, but had at least 2 blunders of his own. Let's see...adultery and murder. Not exactly stealing a candy from the grocery store.
I guess with that definition of Normal, we all qualify.

I've mentioned briefly before that my primary job is administration for a non-profit which matches the services of self employed contractors with businesses who require such services. Reading the stories of the contractors sometimes makes me thankful for what I have. Most of our contractors have chronic health issues. The illnesses range from diabetes which had been out of control but now is manageable to cerebral palsy or being quadriplegic. Some people have to modify their environment and work hours in order to accommodate their health needs, and others are in a positive health cycle, needing no modification. A couple contractors have no health issue at all, but that's a fairly new experience.
My job is multi-faceted. I design forms, email/phone contractors and business clients, filter through applications, perform reference checks, interview contractors, assist our marketer/program consultant, try to keep the website information current and pass the information to the programmer...well, you get the idea. Lots of different things in one part-time job. It keeps me busy.
Over the last few months I have read about and spoken to people of all walks and situations. Most of them have had scary "close calls" with their health, and most of them are on the bottom end of the income scale because of it. Some people used to be successful professionals to whom big players on major corporations owe their careers. But trauma has rendered some of these people to be a shadow of their former selves.
I've met people who had success as is defined by title and income and reputation. One moment in time it changed because of a stroke, heart attack or accident. Life then became about existing and pain management. About how to get to the doctor for the next visit or how long they would have to stay confined in the hospital, for 5th time that month. Depression and anxiety often accompany the illnesses. The most confident people turned fearful of driving, of meeting people, of having to meet any performance standards. They work through some of the anxiety to become ready to work again. They long to work and to be "normal" again. They don't want to stay at home waiting and thinking and fearing. Most of them do a great job. Some others decide it's too early for them.
Through this I am reminded that one second in time and I could be the same way. I could have a brain injury or heart attack or tumor or aneurism. So could you. Now that's not to infect you with fear or panic or have you jump to the worst case scenario. That's to make you thankful. For I have also found out via some people that anyone can be thankful for "small mercies". Things could be way worse than they are. It's tough sometimes, but possible most of the time. Another thing I would like you to see is the possibility of a determined person. It's tough to overcome some odds and it might take a while, but in some way it can be done. Maybe not restoration to what was, but an adjustment and building to what is.

Since I'm in a new relationship with a blended family, I don't know yet what our Christmas and birthday traditions are. They are just beginning to form, and this year we didn't have full opportunity to set our own. Scott was busy working Christmas week, and we were busy with extended family. It won't be that way every year. We blended some things, like putting my feminine decorations on the tree alongside the Coke cans and macaroni box that the guys use every year. It was a blend of woman meets bachelors. Christmas morning we were all woken up with the raunchy song Ben blasts on the stereo. We had turkey and pumpkin pie.
It was busy birthday season, with mine starting the run on the 13th. Then my mom's was December 22nd, and Matthew's December 30th. In there was Scott's dad's (from afar) of December 15th.
Due to the timing of my birthday and that I like a fresh Christmas tree, Scott arranged for us to get our tree that day. Some people don't like mixing occasions, but to me it was more special. I like Christmas and the beauty of it. That's why I like Miracle on 34th Street (the remake). The colours and sounds are so beautiful, and the sentiment so delicate. It's a break from reality in to the world where good things can happen. So, to be surprised on my day by going out to get a tree was great. And beforehand I was treated to lunch with mom, Scott, Lori, and Matthew. What could be better? Maybe the chocolate cake at the end of a nice dinner. Yes, I had it all.
Here's a picture from my birthday tradition. It's my favorite picture of the holidays.

Wow, the last couple of weeks have flown by. My mom came to visit on December 10th, and the festivities began. My birthday on the 13th, her birthday on the 22nd, more family came on the 23rd, Christmas with them all, then they went home on the 30th (Matthew's birthday party that day) and last night was a New Years Eve party here. I have been surrounded by family and friends, and have loved it all.
Once I get some pictures downloaded from my camera I'll post them. In the meantime, this is from Christmas Day. My family hasn't been together at Christmas for 10 years, and in that time everyone has grown a lot. Ben and Nathan were patient with the home "invasion"...there were 11 people living here for a week, including the 5 of us permanent citizens.
More later! I need to recover tonight before returning to work tomorrow morning.