be-musings

For many years now I have lived with the awareness that he was on borrowed time. In 1993 I sat by his hospital bedside while he told me to make sure that if he dies I tell his son how much he loves him and that he has tried to live his life to his best and follow what God wants. I didn't want to hear him say those things, because I didn't want to think about his weak heart and the possibility of his death. I had come to love him as a friend, not just an icon.
He didn't die that day. No doubt he was dying progressively, and his health waned and surged for years following. He lived to see his 50th birthday, against many odds. He and his brother broadcast a live birthday celebration from their home studio.
There have been many rumours of Larry's death since his early 30s, even before the first heart attacks happened. He used to laugh with me about some of them that he had heard. I think it was because people didn't know how else to explain that he would disappear for periods of time, when he was with family or in Europe.

This year I got some of Larry's music as a present. Yesterday Nathan told me he heard his Moses song in class and we talked about the history behind the writing of the song, as I had heard it from the author himself. It helps to bring the song to life when you know these things. I was glad that someone so young enjoyed a piece of music that I myself listened to at his age, and by one I was fortuante enough to have been friends with. I have so many stories of experiences and of songs.
For more than a decade I have found listening to this music to be an emotional experience, as memories of my entire life flood back to me during the tunes. I remember sitting in the back seat of a car when I was 15, as friends drove around Creston BC listening to the Vaudeville style music of one tune. I thought the song was weird. Then hours later we watched him in concert, his long blonde hair shining in the lights, contrasted by his black leather coat.

I have seen many of his concerts over the years, both in the audience and side stage. All of them magical. That's when Larry was at his best, and shone for God. That's when the man Larry moved aside and the God vessel showed up.
One year, after I hadn't seen him for a while, he came to town and did a concert. I went. The whole night I was hoping he wouldn't do his song "Goodbye", because I find it so sad. He wrote it when he was in the hospital in Sweden after his first major heart attack. Well, when the evening was drawing to a close and Larry was taking requests, I heard this voice come from inside me. I shouted "Goodbye". And Larry sang it. I cried a bit, as I am now, thinking of the day that I would have to say goodbye to his mortal body. Thinking of the time I sat by his bed and heard him tell me how much he loves his boy. Thinking of so many memories that I have of him before and after our friendship began. So many to write here. Words come to me in torrents, but they won't make sense to those who weren't there because the images are so powerful that they can't be portrayed in the right way. I have to end here for now.


Good-bye, farewell, we'll meet again.
Somewhere beyond the sky.
I pray that you will stay with God.
Good-bye, my friends, good-bye.

The light grows dim, but in this hour,
I have no tears to cry.
My heart is full, my joy complete.
Good-bye, my friends, good-bye.

I feel no loss of hope as I grow older
Only this world weight upon my shoulder.

My heart beats to a slower song
So softly in my veins.
The night is warm, but in my sleep,
I dream of heavens reign.

Everything I am, I've tried to show you
In this life I’ve been so blest to know you
Good-bye, farewell, we'll meet again.
Somewhere beyond the sky.
I pray that you will walk with God.
Good-bye, my friends, good-bye.
Good-bye, my friends, good-bye.