be-musings

Scott beat me to a post that has been in my head this past week. But I think he did a far greater, more detailed one than I was thinking of. That being said, I have a couple things I wanted to say anyways.

For a while now we have been talking together about this topic. Some of you might be surprised that we talk about it, not particularly from the viewpoint of criticizing others, but we become introspective. We get hurt by gossip and confrontation, sure. We "vent" with each other. But we keep coming back to the same point. We don't want to be bitter. We want to forgive, as much as we can figure out how. We want to be more like what we believe Jesus wants us to be.

Destroyed relationships are painful. Not only is there the oppositional feelings/opinions which caused the fallout, but there are also the emotions of rejection and perhaps betrayal. Those emotions stem way back to early childhood, if we look at our life. Rejection of being teased, not picked for events, called names, not wearing the "right" clothes, a friend choosing someone else over your own friendship. There are years of depth to draw on where rejection is involved. Years of experience and unresolved situations to raise bitterness and fuel unforgiveness. Plus, we're right. All of us think that anyways. That makes the other person wrong - or does it? Perhaps that makes all of us wrong; at least a little bit. Even if you're the person who remembers everything exactly as it happened (sure) and who was totally 100% in the right, then perhaps what you're guilty of is not being able to let that event go and love. Perhaps lack of forgiveness is your sin. And Pride.

Jill posted this piece of poetry:

As we were walking hand in hand,
I tripped and thought you let go.
Anger swarmed me from every direction.
How could you do this, where are you?
Fending on my own, it only gets worse.
Calling out for you, I'm so cold.
So cold that I couldn't feel your grasp.
Why do you put up with my frustration?
I don't deserve you.
You never let go.

I don't know what she imagined when she wrote it, because I haven't asked her. But for me it speaks of a situation with God, and honestly it can be seen as talking about 2 people. Imagine that it isn't a hand that you're reading about in the poem. Maybe you think someone let go of their integrity. Or maybe they told one of your secrets and betrayed you. Or maybe they violated trust by __________. I'm sure you've had enough experiences to have an idea you're thinking of right now.
But what do you do when you visualize it? How does it make you feel? Are you angry? Righteously indignant? Are you "right"? How is this all working for you? How chewed up inside are you ?
Let it go. You're the one its killing. And likewise God's life-spirit in you too.
Let it go.