Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Just a normal suppertime
Yesterday the guys' household was filled with whining that although home-cooked meals are great, some people have been missing the days when pizza was ordered every night for weeks. 52 boxes in 10 days or something like that. Yeah, that's a thing to be missed in a guy's world I guess.
So, we ordered Dominos, because cinnasticks are mandatory (so I was told). I assembled my plate in Annette fashion. Just the right amount of everything. One slice of pizza, about 8 baby carrots (guys, don't say ewwww), 2 cinnasticks. One wasn't enough, 3 would be too many. One wide slice and one thin slice for variety. You might not know this about me, but I'm quirky about food.
This "idiosyncracy" is now reason for being picked on every meal. Tonight Scott began by pushing my food around on the plate because he said my quadrants were too close together for my own standards. Knowing that I plan the 'perfect' blend and amounts, with a master plan of what to end with (the sweetest items), a plan was in action to undermine me.
I was busy eating, talking, helping Matthew, and had initially downed a couple carrots. What I didn't notice until they were all gone was...Scott and Ben had both eaten the rest of my carrots. Grabbed them right off the plate without me noticing. After they were long gone I looked down and something caught my eye - A CINNASTICK WAS GONE! Who cares about the missing carrots! That was it. I raced to the pizza box to replace it, refusing to believe their words about being no more left. They knew better than to take my sweet food, didn't they? I arrived quickly at the box, to find it e-m-p-t-y. My face contorted as I screached out a tortured scream, which Ben describes more as the gates of hell opening up. In disbelief I looked at the guys just as Ben's coke spurted out of his mouth and nose onto the pizza on his plate. Was it horror or laughter? Hard to tell.
Devastated, I returned to the table whining about how mean they were to wreck my meal like that. Ben, grimacing, continued to eat his coke and flem soaked pizza. He kept whining about how his nostrils were burning. Poor baby. HE got to have 3 cinnasticks.
Next time I order pizza, it's payback. I'm eating all the dessert before they know it's there.
So, we ordered Dominos, because cinnasticks are mandatory (so I was told). I assembled my plate in Annette fashion. Just the right amount of everything. One slice of pizza, about 8 baby carrots (guys, don't say ewwww), 2 cinnasticks. One wasn't enough, 3 would be too many. One wide slice and one thin slice for variety. You might not know this about me, but I'm quirky about food.
This "idiosyncracy" is now reason for being picked on every meal. Tonight Scott began by pushing my food around on the plate because he said my quadrants were too close together for my own standards. Knowing that I plan the 'perfect' blend and amounts, with a master plan of what to end with (the sweetest items), a plan was in action to undermine me.
I was busy eating, talking, helping Matthew, and had initially downed a couple carrots. What I didn't notice until they were all gone was...Scott and Ben had both eaten the rest of my carrots. Grabbed them right off the plate without me noticing. After they were long gone I looked down and something caught my eye - A CINNASTICK WAS GONE! Who cares about the missing carrots! That was it. I raced to the pizza box to replace it, refusing to believe their words about being no more left. They knew better than to take my sweet food, didn't they? I arrived quickly at the box, to find it e-m-p-t-y. My face contorted as I screached out a tortured scream, which Ben describes more as the gates of hell opening up. In disbelief I looked at the guys just as Ben's coke spurted out of his mouth and nose onto the pizza on his plate. Was it horror or laughter? Hard to tell.
Devastated, I returned to the table whining about how mean they were to wreck my meal like that. Ben, grimacing, continued to eat his coke and flem soaked pizza. He kept whining about how his nostrils were burning. Poor baby. HE got to have 3 cinnasticks.
Next time I order pizza, it's payback. I'm eating all the dessert before they know it's there.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
This week I got my yearly mammogram. I almost said it in such a way that it sounded like a treat, hey? I struggled with the gown, just like last year. Those thing should come with instructions or something. Well, maybe they should start by not presuming one size fits all. I felt like a midget in the thing. And I couldn't figure out which direction the opening should go!
It makes sense that the easy access should be in the front, like in this picture. So, I tried that, doing up the waist tie and the neck tie. Something was seriously wrong, because they expected me to come out of the dressing room in the thing and wait in the hallway. Impossible to do, when there is a huge opening all the way down it. I thought maybe that was because I was too small for it, and could actually wrap it around me twice at minimum. So, I took the neck tie and wrapped it around my neck yet again, like a choker, and tried to tie it up that way. Hmmmm, not that can't be how it does up. So, at last resort I shifted it so the opening was in the back. Oh, that was it. I didn't care about the gaping now, because nothing embarrassing was showing. It looked more like the Dagwood pic.
Who would have thought that for frontal exams your gown has to gape in the back? Sounds more like chiropractic to me.
Oh, then I got into the room and was told to take it off. What?????? Why did I struggle for 5 minutes with the thing!
It makes sense that the easy access should be in the front, like in this picture. So, I tried that, doing up the waist tie and the neck tie. Something was seriously wrong, because they expected me to come out of the dressing room in the thing and wait in the hallway. Impossible to do, when there is a huge opening all the way down it. I thought maybe that was because I was too small for it, and could actually wrap it around me twice at minimum. So, I took the neck tie and wrapped it around my neck yet again, like a choker, and tried to tie it up that way. Hmmmm, not that can't be how it does up. So, at last resort I shifted it so the opening was in the back. Oh, that was it. I didn't care about the gaping now, because nothing embarrassing was showing. It looked more like the Dagwood pic.
Who would have thought that for frontal exams your gown has to gape in the back? Sounds more like chiropractic to me.
Oh, then I got into the room and was told to take it off. What?????? Why did I struggle for 5 minutes with the thing!
Monday, May 15, 2006
Excerpts from the Blonde Cookbook
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
Friday, May 12, 2006
I'm in trouble
I went to the guys' house yesterday, and wasn't greeted with enthusiasm. The post about the green chair was on the screen. There were scowls in the room.
"We're not happy with you."
"About the post? I had asked if I could post about what Ben said and you guys said okay."
"We're not happy about the picture. People are going to think that's OUR CHAIR!"
(insert uproarious female laughter here).
So, to keep the peace and bandaid the pride produced by male testerone, let me clarify. That was not their green chair. It was a photo selected to dramatize my story. I have attached the real chair below.
"We're not happy with you."
"About the post? I had asked if I could post about what Ben said and you guys said okay."
"We're not happy about the picture. People are going to think that's OUR CHAIR!"
(insert uproarious female laughter here).
So, to keep the peace and bandaid the pride produced by male testerone, let me clarify. That was not their green chair. It was a photo selected to dramatize my story. I have attached the real chair below.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Shades of Ben
Ben found out that I was still being polite and on my "best behaviour" at his house. He said " You know, sooner or later you need to realize that this will be your house too."
It's spring cleanup day where you get to put out extra garbage and large objects for them to haul away. I said "They'll take 2 large items or a bunch of things that total it. An example of a large item is....oh I don't know....that green lazyboy chair that doesn't work quite right." To which Ben said "If the lazyboy goes, you go!"
Guess that whole comment about it being my house too only works if I don't attack the guy furniture. What is it about guys and ugly recliners? Or women who try to get rid of them!
It's spring cleanup day where you get to put out extra garbage and large objects for them to haul away. I said "They'll take 2 large items or a bunch of things that total it. An example of a large item is....oh I don't know....that green lazyboy chair that doesn't work quite right." To which Ben said "If the lazyboy goes, you go!"
Guess that whole comment about it being my house too only works if I don't attack the guy furniture. What is it about guys and ugly recliners? Or women who try to get rid of them!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
"The Talk"
Matthew has asked me to have a baby so he can have a younger brother. I explained that this would never happen, and he wanted to know why. I said that I wasn't sure I could have a child, and that Scott definitely couldn't have any more children. Matthew asked me why it mattered about Scott not being able to have children.
Oh man. My brain was racing. How do I answer a question like that?
"Because a baby is made by a man and a woman. The woman can't make a baby by herself. She needs a man too." Desiring to put distracting humour into it I said "We're not like worms who can have babies all by themselves. And a man can't have a baby all by himself." Mathew thought the latter was obvious, because he has never seen a pregnant woman in his few years on this earth. Then he asked me how it is that the man and the woman together make a baby.
Oh man again. I think I quickly explained that the woman has part of the baby "needs" and the man the other, and together they make the baby. Pretty vague still hey? He of course asked me how, so I did what any intelligent woman does when approached with a sex question. I pointed to nature shows.
"They mate. Matthew, have you ever seen animals mate on TV shows?" He said yes. I asked him how we would explain what the animals do. He said "They 'get together'." My reply?
"That's right Matthew. That's a good answer. I'm very happy with that answer..." and under my breath I said..."I don't exactly know what that answer means, but I'm glad for it." Then we started making jokes. Phew.
Sex talk #1 done.
Oh man. My brain was racing. How do I answer a question like that?
"Because a baby is made by a man and a woman. The woman can't make a baby by herself. She needs a man too." Desiring to put distracting humour into it I said "We're not like worms who can have babies all by themselves. And a man can't have a baby all by himself." Mathew thought the latter was obvious, because he has never seen a pregnant woman in his few years on this earth. Then he asked me how it is that the man and the woman together make a baby.
Oh man again. I think I quickly explained that the woman has part of the baby "needs" and the man the other, and together they make the baby. Pretty vague still hey? He of course asked me how, so I did what any intelligent woman does when approached with a sex question. I pointed to nature shows.
"They mate. Matthew, have you ever seen animals mate on TV shows?" He said yes. I asked him how we would explain what the animals do. He said "They 'get together'." My reply?
"That's right Matthew. That's a good answer. I'm very happy with that answer..." and under my breath I said..."I don't exactly know what that answer means, but I'm glad for it." Then we started making jokes. Phew.
Sex talk #1 done.