Monday, January 23, 2006
A parable
As I walked past the dining table I saw a shadow that wasn’t familiar. I came closer to see what it was, and behold it was a little girl. She sat, legs huddled up to her torso, cradled by her arms.
“Why are you down there?”
Silence, as she looked down, still embracing her legs tightly.
“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you.”
I slowly began to reach my hand toward her as I was crouched down beside the table. Her head slowly turned toward me a bit, but she didn’t move or reach out. As her face caught a ray of light I thought she looked familiar, but before I could decide, she was in darkness again. Not knowing what to say next, I waited for a bit.
“How did you come to be here?”
“You invited me a long time ago.”
Oh good, she spoke. But she sounded sad and somewhat far away in thought. Like she was remembering something.
I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. You look familiar, but I don’t really recognize you. Who are you?
"My name is Joy."
The name sparked in my heart and my memory. Something faint twigged. Something remote, but with a strong scent. Oh yes, I knew this girl. I wasn’t exactly proud to have forgotten her and I was hesitant now to be with her. But she looked so lonely and I felt compelled to talk with her. I sat down beside her, arms wrapped around my legs, tight to my torso. We looked like twins of different sizes. We both gazed ahead as we thought of our old times together.
“I remember you. It’s been a long time.”
“Yes. I miss you.” She looked at me. I saw that glint in her eye that I remember well. It was the innocent happiness of childhood untainted by experience...the blissful wonder of eyes that haven’t seen death of life and hopes and dreams. Eyes that said the world and all its wonders would always be ready to be explored and shared. Not claimed, because to claim it would be to take it from others.. The look drew me in, but my shame caused me to look away.
“Will you come play with me? Can we do it today?”I didn’t want to tell her how I felt. I couldn’t do what she asked, and I knew it. Too many things pressed in, too many thoughts had taken over my time, too much experience stolen my…
“I can’t.”
”Will you dance with me?”
“I can’t.”
“I know. I have seen you with my sisters while I have watched from behind a tree. I’ve seen you run with Frivolity and laugh with Merriment. You’ve danced with Ecstacy and loved with Abandon. I watched you when you were with Abandon. You were so excited, but later became so heartbroken. I was sad to see that happen. You have played with all my sisters, yet you won’t play with me. Why?”
“I just…can’t.” It was time to be honest. “Your sisters play with me when I want to have fun. I can leave them when I want to think about…other things. Just come out and I’ll take you home.”
“This is my home.”
“No.”
“This is my home. I will wait until you’re ready. I was meant for you, but not to visit you. I was made to live with you and be with you every day. I won’t come and go like my sisters. I won’t play with you only when it’s sunny. I will be here every day, even when you don’t always feel like seeing me.”Her words rung true to me. I knew I had been going to her sisters because it was simpler for me. I knew it was easier to believe that I had enough just by visiting but not living with them. I knew they couldn’t stop long enough to stay with me for too long. Yet I kept going back to them. Why?
“Do you know why I’m in the shadows?”I was afraid of the answer.
“Because I live where you live. You live in the shadow of life and death – of hope and discouragement. So I wait here for you. I won’t come out unless you take me out.”
I knew I was afraid of the answer. “I don’t know how.”
“Trust in God. Choose to live with me. Cast off that which keeps you in the dark.”
She was right. I was scared. So scared. So many 'what if' possibilities. Pessimism was easier to live with, though it tired me so much. Sorrow was a known companion.
“Can I have sorrow if I choose you?”
“Yes, but not for as long as you have decided to bunk in with it. You know it’s time to let it go.”“Yes.” I hesitated. She held out her hand. “Now will you come play with me?” I was scared…..as we stepped into the light together.
I couldn’t help but stare at her peaceful face as she looked fully into mine. She didn’t have the same sparkle that Merriment had. Yet it was somehow contained in her. It is hard to describe what I saw in her eyes that day, until I looked at the mirror as we walked by and noticed something unusual. My eyes began to reflect the look she had. It was a knowledge that I was not alone and that my heart could feel again.
“Why are you down there?”
Silence, as she looked down, still embracing her legs tightly.
“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you.”
I slowly began to reach my hand toward her as I was crouched down beside the table. Her head slowly turned toward me a bit, but she didn’t move or reach out. As her face caught a ray of light I thought she looked familiar, but before I could decide, she was in darkness again. Not knowing what to say next, I waited for a bit.
“How did you come to be here?”
“You invited me a long time ago.”
Oh good, she spoke. But she sounded sad and somewhat far away in thought. Like she was remembering something.
I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. You look familiar, but I don’t really recognize you. Who are you?
"My name is Joy."
The name sparked in my heart and my memory. Something faint twigged. Something remote, but with a strong scent. Oh yes, I knew this girl. I wasn’t exactly proud to have forgotten her and I was hesitant now to be with her. But she looked so lonely and I felt compelled to talk with her. I sat down beside her, arms wrapped around my legs, tight to my torso. We looked like twins of different sizes. We both gazed ahead as we thought of our old times together.
“I remember you. It’s been a long time.”
“Yes. I miss you.” She looked at me. I saw that glint in her eye that I remember well. It was the innocent happiness of childhood untainted by experience...the blissful wonder of eyes that haven’t seen death of life and hopes and dreams. Eyes that said the world and all its wonders would always be ready to be explored and shared. Not claimed, because to claim it would be to take it from others.. The look drew me in, but my shame caused me to look away.
“Will you come play with me? Can we do it today?”I didn’t want to tell her how I felt. I couldn’t do what she asked, and I knew it. Too many things pressed in, too many thoughts had taken over my time, too much experience stolen my…
“I can’t.”
”Will you dance with me?”
“I can’t.”
“I know. I have seen you with my sisters while I have watched from behind a tree. I’ve seen you run with Frivolity and laugh with Merriment. You’ve danced with Ecstacy and loved with Abandon. I watched you when you were with Abandon. You were so excited, but later became so heartbroken. I was sad to see that happen. You have played with all my sisters, yet you won’t play with me. Why?”
“I just…can’t.” It was time to be honest. “Your sisters play with me when I want to have fun. I can leave them when I want to think about…other things. Just come out and I’ll take you home.”
“This is my home.”
“No.”
“This is my home. I will wait until you’re ready. I was meant for you, but not to visit you. I was made to live with you and be with you every day. I won’t come and go like my sisters. I won’t play with you only when it’s sunny. I will be here every day, even when you don’t always feel like seeing me.”Her words rung true to me. I knew I had been going to her sisters because it was simpler for me. I knew it was easier to believe that I had enough just by visiting but not living with them. I knew they couldn’t stop long enough to stay with me for too long. Yet I kept going back to them. Why?
“Do you know why I’m in the shadows?”I was afraid of the answer.
“Because I live where you live. You live in the shadow of life and death – of hope and discouragement. So I wait here for you. I won’t come out unless you take me out.”
I knew I was afraid of the answer. “I don’t know how.”
“Trust in God. Choose to live with me. Cast off that which keeps you in the dark.”
She was right. I was scared. So scared. So many 'what if' possibilities. Pessimism was easier to live with, though it tired me so much. Sorrow was a known companion.
“Can I have sorrow if I choose you?”
“Yes, but not for as long as you have decided to bunk in with it. You know it’s time to let it go.”“Yes.” I hesitated. She held out her hand. “Now will you come play with me?” I was scared…..as we stepped into the light together.
I couldn’t help but stare at her peaceful face as she looked fully into mine. She didn’t have the same sparkle that Merriment had. Yet it was somehow contained in her. It is hard to describe what I saw in her eyes that day, until I looked at the mirror as we walked by and noticed something unusual. My eyes began to reflect the look she had. It was a knowledge that I was not alone and that my heart could feel again.
// posted by Annette @ 10:38 p.m. 