be-musings

Today I read both Cooper sites, catching up on a few lost days. Jordon's moved me to verklempt. There are no words that I could think of to say. Anything really encouraging seems too trite right now. And I have no advice to give, in a world that is full of well-meaning advice givers. I can only pray and love from a distance, while trying not to obsess about his ailments. Sounds weird I know, but I'm a worrier. Once I care for someone or have been impacted by a life, I struggle to separate worry from the equation. And Jordon being such an insightful man, has personally impacted my life.
When I read Wendy's blog, something definitely caught my eye, and my intellect. Let me plagiarize parts of her writing, and you can read the whole thing at this link:
The truth is that words and actions have consequences that often spiral out of our control. When people get hurt, they have to heal.
Even if I wanted to move on, if it isn't healed, it will come back to haunt me later. You can't fake healing.
Some people in my life have demanded grace but have ignored both that I have been badly hurt and also the one that is hurt is the one that decides what needs to be done to heal.
Regardless of their response, I can and do forgive. The problem in my life is that people have taken my forgiveness as reconcilliation and amnesty for what they have done. It isn't. Forgiveness is not reconcilliation. Forgiveness means I don't have the desire to hit back...
I can forgive you and not trust you.
Reconcilliation happens once I heal and feel safe again.

Just thinking out loud here. If forgiveness is a choice that we make, it would definitely mean that we wouldn't have the desire to hit back. But that doesn't mean the pain is gone, because we choose to forgive. It doesn't mean we trust yet. Maybe we can never trust because of the magnitude of the relational problem.
Does this change when we quote Scripture? I don't think so. Many times those who feel are being wronged by our inability to yet trust or heal will quote the Bible as a sword for themselves, disguising it as guidance. They are asking things of us that cannot yet be met. Sometimes to the other party involved in the offense (some would label them as the offender) they can't stomach the situation not being resolved. So, not only did they hold the power during the offense, but also try to hold the power during the forgiveness and reconciliation. Let me turn this to me and to you. It's easy to say these things if we have been wronged or hurt. We cannot be so blind as to think we have not wronged others.
If we have done so, we need to offer repentance and ask for forgiveness. But if the other person can't reconcile with us (or even forgive while the wound is still fresh) we need to give up the control and wait. Check back once in a while if the relationship can handle that.
I would ask you what you think, but since I don't have comments I can't do that. Those are just some thoughts.