Friday, July 22, 2005
In or Out?
As I was exercising in the living room, I noticed the locked deadbolt on the door in front of me. Not only was the deadbolt locked, but the handle as well. All of a sudden I didn't feel very safe.
Over the years I have been "security" conscious, locking windows, doors, car doors, installing/enabling a monitored security system. Even when home. I've heard of home invasions gone bad on premises that weren't locked. Well, I've heard of one, but that one has been enough to make me think it can happen to me. But as I looked at the locked living room door the other day I began to feel locked in.
The two home invasions on my places were done on locked premises. On one the patio door was jimmied open with tin snips, and on the other the back door (locked) was kicked in. Yet I still thought that allowing my fear to take over and locking me up with more fervour was the best prevention.
I'm not criticizing security alarms. They are good. I'm not advocating leaving the doors and windows unlocked all the time, without regard for the neighborhood or time of night. Yet I wonder what I'm doing. Because more and more it's starting to feel like I'm locking myself in, rather than locking out the bad. I'm encouraging my world to become small and closed. I'm afraid to live freely lest I be hurt.
It reminds me of something less tangible that I, at times have attempted to shut harmful experiences out of. I don't need to explain it to you. Those for whom this is meant will understand.
I have at times shut people out of my personal "abode" for fear of violation. Lack of trust has caused me to lock up during certain times. All it takes is one story of something gone bad, or more accurately one majorly bad experience and I'm politely closed for business.
Now I realize that self-preservation when in the midst of turmoil is not a bad thing. What I ask myself is how long do I need to stay closed? And how closed should I be? What are the determining factors in the answer? Am I shutting something out, or am I shutting myself in, and cowering unnecessarily?
Let me turn this. What about love? What about hope? Are you locking it out because of your past experience or are you locking yourself in to your misery? When will it be time to do something about it? You don't need to open everything up. Just a bit at a time.
Over the years I have been "security" conscious, locking windows, doors, car doors, installing/enabling a monitored security system. Even when home. I've heard of home invasions gone bad on premises that weren't locked. Well, I've heard of one, but that one has been enough to make me think it can happen to me. But as I looked at the locked living room door the other day I began to feel locked in.
The two home invasions on my places were done on locked premises. On one the patio door was jimmied open with tin snips, and on the other the back door (locked) was kicked in. Yet I still thought that allowing my fear to take over and locking me up with more fervour was the best prevention.
I'm not criticizing security alarms. They are good. I'm not advocating leaving the doors and windows unlocked all the time, without regard for the neighborhood or time of night. Yet I wonder what I'm doing. Because more and more it's starting to feel like I'm locking myself in, rather than locking out the bad. I'm encouraging my world to become small and closed. I'm afraid to live freely lest I be hurt.
It reminds me of something less tangible that I, at times have attempted to shut harmful experiences out of. I don't need to explain it to you. Those for whom this is meant will understand.
I have at times shut people out of my personal "abode" for fear of violation. Lack of trust has caused me to lock up during certain times. All it takes is one story of something gone bad, or more accurately one majorly bad experience and I'm politely closed for business.
Now I realize that self-preservation when in the midst of turmoil is not a bad thing. What I ask myself is how long do I need to stay closed? And how closed should I be? What are the determining factors in the answer? Am I shutting something out, or am I shutting myself in, and cowering unnecessarily?
Let me turn this. What about love? What about hope? Are you locking it out because of your past experience or are you locking yourself in to your misery? When will it be time to do something about it? You don't need to open everything up. Just a bit at a time.
// posted by Annette @ 9:06 p.m. 