Tuesday, May 03, 2005
What is your reason?
The last couple of posts and probably a couple more yet have been and will be quite serious. I'm remembering a few years ago, coming home to a voicemail message from a friend who had just overdosed on prescription drugs. I remember being shocked that she would she call me at such a crucial and intimate time, then thinking "Oh crap...it's been an hour since she called!" I wondered if she was dead or alive, and called her husband, making arrangements to bring him to the hospital where she had been transported.
At a moment of weakness her pain seemed too much too bear. I remember the hospital conversation we had when we walked and cried together. She told me she just wanted to be numb...to have the pain go away. I asked her if she knew that the method she chose may have meant never being able to feel anything again. That it would mean death. She said that's probably what she wanted to happen. Such sorrow and hopelessness.
Unfortunately that wasn't the only overdose bedside I have attended. For those who have done this kind of thing there are many ways of explaining their thought process. Lack of pain. Freedom from unavoidable problems. Mourning loss of love. They believe they won't be missed.
Many of us need a reason to live. That reason may include friends, work, God, family, love, commitment. Perhaps all of them. Recently I overheard a conversation with a person in this situation. "You need to figure out the reason to live. What in this life is meaningful to you." Reminds me of City Slickers. Yet it goes deeper than that. You can enjoy life or choose to live for your spouse, children, of family. That's something I've held onto in a dark moment. What happens if that is taken away? If that part of your life falls through? You can live for fulfillment on your job. What happens if you're downsized or disabled and can't work on that job anymore? For each of us the answer is personal. I thought about it that day, and my answer is a simple one.
I love life. The essence of every breath, every movement, and every moment. The simplicity and yet the grandeur of it all. That's me. God will give you your own unique answer.
At a moment of weakness her pain seemed too much too bear. I remember the hospital conversation we had when we walked and cried together. She told me she just wanted to be numb...to have the pain go away. I asked her if she knew that the method she chose may have meant never being able to feel anything again. That it would mean death. She said that's probably what she wanted to happen. Such sorrow and hopelessness.
Unfortunately that wasn't the only overdose bedside I have attended. For those who have done this kind of thing there are many ways of explaining their thought process. Lack of pain. Freedom from unavoidable problems. Mourning loss of love. They believe they won't be missed.
Many of us need a reason to live. That reason may include friends, work, God, family, love, commitment. Perhaps all of them. Recently I overheard a conversation with a person in this situation. "You need to figure out the reason to live. What in this life is meaningful to you." Reminds me of City Slickers. Yet it goes deeper than that. You can enjoy life or choose to live for your spouse, children, of family. That's something I've held onto in a dark moment. What happens if that is taken away? If that part of your life falls through? You can live for fulfillment on your job. What happens if you're downsized or disabled and can't work on that job anymore? For each of us the answer is personal. I thought about it that day, and my answer is a simple one.
I love life. The essence of every breath, every movement, and every moment. The simplicity and yet the grandeur of it all. That's me. God will give you your own unique answer.
// posted by Annette @ 8:25 p.m. 