be-musings

This is the first blog that I have written directly to/about someone. Though it is inspired by one person, there is a lesson in it for most of us. I'm thinking of some others who will understand what I'm saying, and some who will need to hear it for themselves. You will all know who you are by the end.
Last week an old friend found me through the internet and the blog. Due to the paths that our lives have taken us it's been 10 years since we've spoken to each other, and more since we've seen each other. In her email to me she has shared some of her life and how it didn't necessarily take a direction she had anticipated. There has been joy and regret. Most of us know what that's all about, especially the regret. Children born out of wedlock; relationships ended that we thought would last forever. In a way I think she's concerned that I may have thoughts of disappointment in her life or choices. How can I? I have a concern about sharing my life with her for fear of the same. Sometimes it takes guts to tell about your life, and I for one am not always up to it. Well, I wasn't really intending on saying that last line, but I did anyway and will leave it there. Okay everyone, don't think I'm really depressed or anything! I'll pull out of that introspective thought. But you know me...I'll move on to another one.
You know how there are certain significant memories in your life? And perhaps you think the friend you experienced it with doesn't remember it? And that's okay if they don't. I have one of those with this person (who shall remain nameless). I remember one lunchtime sitting in the bleachers at high school. We had been spending some time talking about God and the love of Christ. She was having a hard time buying it. I told her that God loved her intensely and that He thought she had great value. To him she was amazing, because of His unconditional love. Sadly, her response was "I don't feel I'm worth it." And that feeling seemed to stop her from accepting it. I was overwhelmed enough for that to be one of my key memories and the thing I keep coming back to in my mind and prayers.
I say the same thing today, through this blog. God's position hasn't changed, and neither has mine on the matter. Who cares what has happened in life. It doesn't matter how we feel about ourselves, because it doesn't change how He feels or how those who love us feel. It does, however, impede our ability to accept that love. Sometimes we become so blocked in our unacceptedness of ourselves that we won't let anyone else accept us. It's easier to keep up the wall with the locked gate, though the gate is becoming rusty and decrepit.
What you think about yourself or are willing to accept is not the question. There are those who are unwavering in their belief that you are worth it. If Christ feels this way about you, then who am I not to as well? You know who you are. 22 years ago on the bleachers...the same thing is true today, girl.