Monday, November 22, 2004
more about Len
Yes, there's more. It's funny how Len has occupied so much of my thoughts. Not just now but all this past year. But before I get sappy, let me tell my story. You had to know there would be one!
When Len was dying in the hospital a co-worker came to me wanting to take about our common friend. She began by creating a feeling of commonality with me by sharing in the news of his current demise. She sought out what I knew about him. Then as she felt "safe" she tried to tell me that he wasn't that sweet - that he had a very dark side. They had been neighbours since childhood and she had witnessed and heard about sad things. The next level was to begin to tell me some details. I stopped her. I told her that these things may have been true, but there was only one way I could "judge" what kind of person Len was. I couldn't comment about what he was to anyone else, but to me he was someone who showed open love and compassion to me and my family. There was no doubt that he cared and he wanted to be with us. He didn't discriminate in his friendship with any one of us. No matter what darkness may have been before or during, I would always love him for that. I was his fan. Those were the eyes I saw him through, and it would not change.
Things aren't always good in our lives. We all do and say things that we're embarrassed about. I am the first one to admit that I'm not all that I want to be. We need to be looked at through the eyes of love and tenderness. Through eyes that don't judge based on what is heard but what is known through relationship. And if we don't have relationship with that person, then we reserve comment. Perhaps it's ideal, but to me it can be a reality. I'm asking for it in my life to the best of your ability and I'm willing to give it in yours to the best of mine.
Here's something I found in my journal, from just after Len died. It's a conversation Matthew and I had just before he turned 6 years old.
Matthew asked me tonight at bedtime if Lenny's spirit is in God's. I responded that yes, they are together. For his bedtime prayer Matthew said, "God, I hope Lenny is having fun up there in his spirit. I hope I can be with Lenny again someday when I die, and I hope we can have fun here too. Amen."
Pretty cool, hey?
When Len was dying in the hospital a co-worker came to me wanting to take about our common friend. She began by creating a feeling of commonality with me by sharing in the news of his current demise. She sought out what I knew about him. Then as she felt "safe" she tried to tell me that he wasn't that sweet - that he had a very dark side. They had been neighbours since childhood and she had witnessed and heard about sad things. The next level was to begin to tell me some details. I stopped her. I told her that these things may have been true, but there was only one way I could "judge" what kind of person Len was. I couldn't comment about what he was to anyone else, but to me he was someone who showed open love and compassion to me and my family. There was no doubt that he cared and he wanted to be with us. He didn't discriminate in his friendship with any one of us. No matter what darkness may have been before or during, I would always love him for that. I was his fan. Those were the eyes I saw him through, and it would not change.
Things aren't always good in our lives. We all do and say things that we're embarrassed about. I am the first one to admit that I'm not all that I want to be. We need to be looked at through the eyes of love and tenderness. Through eyes that don't judge based on what is heard but what is known through relationship. And if we don't have relationship with that person, then we reserve comment. Perhaps it's ideal, but to me it can be a reality. I'm asking for it in my life to the best of your ability and I'm willing to give it in yours to the best of mine.
Here's something I found in my journal, from just after Len died. It's a conversation Matthew and I had just before he turned 6 years old.
Matthew asked me tonight at bedtime if Lenny's spirit is in God's. I responded that yes, they are together. For his bedtime prayer Matthew said, "God, I hope Lenny is having fun up there in his spirit. I hope I can be with Lenny again someday when I die, and I hope we can have fun here too. Amen."
Pretty cool, hey?
// posted by Annette @ 9:28 p.m. 