Saturday, September 25, 2004
Trust
One of Deb Sawyer's favorite movies is Fried Green Tomatoes. Though I was able to appreciate it once I saw it a second time, the first time was different. It was at the theatre, with a girlfriend on her birthday. Since the movie was billed as a comedy, it was a perfect choice. Or so we thought.
There was so much tragedy in the movie. Yes, it was about great things like the inner strength of women, about standing up for each other and ourselves and about love. But not near enough laughter for me. At one point in the movie when my girlfriend and I were crying I loudly called out "Happy Birthday Niki!!!" and we both started to laugh through our tears. We didn't care what anyone else thought about it.
Niki and I didn't always have such great moments. As the relationship changed there became issues of perceived "abuse". Times where things seemed to be taken for granted or simply taken. Where the mutual respect dwindled and things became jagged. We began to separate, then I moved away for a while.
When I was away I was thinking through the relationship from its inception to its last state. It was a sad history to recall...the death of something. I talked with a friend about the feeling of needing to forgive, and she told me that if I did she would be angry with me for doing so. That it wasn't the right thing to do. At an earlier point in my journey I would have been glad to hear such words. Someone would have been in my corner in this dispute...in this sparring match. But that day it didn't sound good. And it really didn't feel good.
Months passed and I moved back "home". My heart began to heal toward this relationship. Maybe not to the same level that it was, but I desired to see her and to feel only good between us. That day came and we have seen each other on a few occasions. Now it's distance that separates us but from my perspective there at least isn't the animosity or distrust.
I wish I could say that this is the only time a relationship has fallen or trust has been betrayed. In this finite life that we live things can be tenuous. People change, situations change, loyalties change. It is not our desire to hurt others, yet it happens out of our ignorance, lack of understanding, impatience, impetuousness. And sometimes because our love is so strong and we lack the maturity to know how to express it best. To not possess.
I pray for restoration. Not only for me, but for you. To live and love as Christ has taught us. To let Him love those around us. We are powerless to do it on our own. We may try, but we'll screw up. And when we're on the receiving end of the "screw up", God help us to be accountable to him and the person we feel offended by. Help us to see through their misguidedness. Help us to love. Even if it needs to be at a distance for a while.
"Nuwanda!!!!!!"
There was so much tragedy in the movie. Yes, it was about great things like the inner strength of women, about standing up for each other and ourselves and about love. But not near enough laughter for me. At one point in the movie when my girlfriend and I were crying I loudly called out "Happy Birthday Niki!!!" and we both started to laugh through our tears. We didn't care what anyone else thought about it.
Niki and I didn't always have such great moments. As the relationship changed there became issues of perceived "abuse". Times where things seemed to be taken for granted or simply taken. Where the mutual respect dwindled and things became jagged. We began to separate, then I moved away for a while.
When I was away I was thinking through the relationship from its inception to its last state. It was a sad history to recall...the death of something. I talked with a friend about the feeling of needing to forgive, and she told me that if I did she would be angry with me for doing so. That it wasn't the right thing to do. At an earlier point in my journey I would have been glad to hear such words. Someone would have been in my corner in this dispute...in this sparring match. But that day it didn't sound good. And it really didn't feel good.
Months passed and I moved back "home". My heart began to heal toward this relationship. Maybe not to the same level that it was, but I desired to see her and to feel only good between us. That day came and we have seen each other on a few occasions. Now it's distance that separates us but from my perspective there at least isn't the animosity or distrust.
I wish I could say that this is the only time a relationship has fallen or trust has been betrayed. In this finite life that we live things can be tenuous. People change, situations change, loyalties change. It is not our desire to hurt others, yet it happens out of our ignorance, lack of understanding, impatience, impetuousness. And sometimes because our love is so strong and we lack the maturity to know how to express it best. To not possess.
I pray for restoration. Not only for me, but for you. To live and love as Christ has taught us. To let Him love those around us. We are powerless to do it on our own. We may try, but we'll screw up. And when we're on the receiving end of the "screw up", God help us to be accountable to him and the person we feel offended by. Help us to see through their misguidedness. Help us to love. Even if it needs to be at a distance for a while.
"Nuwanda!!!!!!"
// posted by Annette @ 1:16 p.m. 