Tuesday, September 14, 2004
No room for "but"
"It is not that I don’t believe God loves me, because I do. It’s not that I believe my feelings to be rational, because they are not. And yet they remain.
Do I believe the Word is true?
Yes!
But…
God leaves no room for “but”."
Check out the whole thing.
It's not easy to have an awakening. To have the demons resurface and feel that I may be winning the war against them. Maybe the correct way to phrase it is that God is convincing me that the war has been won, and I am beginning to believe it. I haven't arrived there...I am only on the journey.
Yesterday the journey became halted. For a brief time I felt isolated...detached. Nothing in particular triggered it that I could think of. I just knew that the same momentum wasn't there. I wasn't responding. I was tired.
Sunday with Susy I used a "gift" that I had told God I wouldn't use. I was 15 when I told Him that. I didn't want to be a freak. Now that in itself is funny, because some would call me that regardless. I didn't want to be "emotional". I didn't know what to do with the gift. And suddenly I found myself talking with Susy and holding her and we were crying. Of course, Rose was in there like a dirty shirt. I didn't know if what I was saying made sense to Susy, but put myself out there anyways. And I had told God in the past that I didn't want to do that anymore. I have another friend that I have been doing this with as well, on a more frequent basis. And I had told God in the past that I didn't want to do that anymore. Get the theme? Don't want to, don't want to, don't want to. Can you see my feet stamping and arms flailing? After being with Susy I was very emotional and spent some time alone back stage during Freedom. I felt God in a way I haven't felt in a very long time.
Monday brought a feeling of distance, of an "analytical" mind. Not a vibrant heart. No reason in particular, but maybe I was just zapped. Tired. It was a yucky feeling. Gross even. Then this morning I had a nightmare which I vaguely recall. It had something to do with people turning into the living dead. But I don't think their appearance changed like they do on the living dead movies. You couldn't tell there was anything wrong with them. But when they touched someone, the other person changed too...died inside. Wow. Is that what you feel like sometimes? It smartened me up today, though the panic and fear was fresh in my heart this morning.
I don't want to die inside in the areas I have been quickened. I want to stay alive. It's okay to need rest, but not a coma. If you need this also, I will commit to helping you. Will you help me?
Do I believe the Word is true?
Yes!
But…
God leaves no room for “but”."
Check out the whole thing.
It's not easy to have an awakening. To have the demons resurface and feel that I may be winning the war against them. Maybe the correct way to phrase it is that God is convincing me that the war has been won, and I am beginning to believe it. I haven't arrived there...I am only on the journey.
Yesterday the journey became halted. For a brief time I felt isolated...detached. Nothing in particular triggered it that I could think of. I just knew that the same momentum wasn't there. I wasn't responding. I was tired.
Sunday with Susy I used a "gift" that I had told God I wouldn't use. I was 15 when I told Him that. I didn't want to be a freak. Now that in itself is funny, because some would call me that regardless. I didn't want to be "emotional". I didn't know what to do with the gift. And suddenly I found myself talking with Susy and holding her and we were crying. Of course, Rose was in there like a dirty shirt. I didn't know if what I was saying made sense to Susy, but put myself out there anyways. And I had told God in the past that I didn't want to do that anymore. I have another friend that I have been doing this with as well, on a more frequent basis. And I had told God in the past that I didn't want to do that anymore. Get the theme? Don't want to, don't want to, don't want to. Can you see my feet stamping and arms flailing? After being with Susy I was very emotional and spent some time alone back stage during Freedom. I felt God in a way I haven't felt in a very long time.
Monday brought a feeling of distance, of an "analytical" mind. Not a vibrant heart. No reason in particular, but maybe I was just zapped. Tired. It was a yucky feeling. Gross even. Then this morning I had a nightmare which I vaguely recall. It had something to do with people turning into the living dead. But I don't think their appearance changed like they do on the living dead movies. You couldn't tell there was anything wrong with them. But when they touched someone, the other person changed too...died inside. Wow. Is that what you feel like sometimes? It smartened me up today, though the panic and fear was fresh in my heart this morning.
I don't want to die inside in the areas I have been quickened. I want to stay alive. It's okay to need rest, but not a coma. If you need this also, I will commit to helping you. Will you help me?
// posted by Annette @ 10:30 p.m. 