Thursday, September 02, 2004
The Journey
I want to be tough. Resilient. Too many disappointments along my life journey taint enthusiasm and belief in goodness and unadulterated happiness. Pleasure is experienced, and in the shadows of the experience is the thought - no the knowledge - that this experience will pass through. That it will become a memory, many times pleasant and sometimes sad. I protect myself while in the present by thinking about this future, where my seemingly incredible recent life opportunity will live out its life cycle. Or love is no longer shared because people have passed through. I dress it up in the term Realism.
I have hamsters in my head spinning on a wheel. Some of them are very old and tired. But they run hard, because that is what they have done their whole life. To stop them would mean letting go of a coping mechanism...a sick security. They protect me. Keep me in the real world. Or do they? Perhaps instead they prevent me from basking in the real life that I am experiencing. No forethought. No long hours of analysis. Livng the moment without fear of the future.
It's time to kill the hamsters.
I have hamsters in my head spinning on a wheel. Some of them are very old and tired. But they run hard, because that is what they have done their whole life. To stop them would mean letting go of a coping mechanism...a sick security. They protect me. Keep me in the real world. Or do they? Perhaps instead they prevent me from basking in the real life that I am experiencing. No forethought. No long hours of analysis. Livng the moment without fear of the future.
It's time to kill the hamsters.
// posted by Annette @ 9:20 p.m. 
