be-musings

Brander and I always wanted a girl. Whenever we talked about our "perfect family" it was always 2 girls...redheads. Dark hair like Brander's would have been good too. Brander said we would train them to bark and bite as watchdogs. That confirmed the hunch that he wasn't serious about having children yet.
When we made the choice to expand our family, a girl was always on our mind. There would never be any question about it. God chose, however, to give us a boy. I remember when we got the call for Matthew, I phoned a friend of mine and said "It's a boy. You wanted a girl and have a boy. Is it okay?" She reassured me. What would I do with a boy? I wanted a mini-me. Someone to sew pretty dresses for and to teach the feminine wiles to.
In retrospect I didn't need a girl to do fu-fu things with. I needed a crazy, comical boy to teach me the vibrancy of liberation and laughter. To free my spirit. A boy who loves others deeply and who is freakishly intuitive at times.
God didn't give me what I wanted. He gave me what I needed.
We remind Matthew frequently of his name's definition. For years I whispered it at night when I would check on him.
"Matthew - God's gift." What more could we ask for?

How about your life? Do you have what you want...or what you need. We can't always see it when we're in the trenches - the reason or the benefit.