be-musings

Rose made a comment on sky diving on my "All the Way" blog. She witnessed something firsthand (presumably a death) which has prevented her from trying something which, knowing Rose a bit, would be freeing to her. She would absolutely be PSYCHED by it! This is in no way a criticism of Rose, for I am the same in many things in life. After I replied to her comment it occupied me more deeply. I have to talk about this.
For fear of death, we don't live. We don't experience letting go. We don't experience freedom. We don't embrace life, except with a choke hold that paralyzes us.. Those who have no fear of death embrace life and sometimes live recklessly. We call it a death wish. Maybe it is in some cases. But there are those, like me at times, who in so avoiding risks that lead to death sometimes are the walking dead.
I was in the 1994 LA quake. I still get anxious when traffic stops in or under a bridge. Has one collapsed on me? No. Will one collapse on me? Maybe, maybe not. But I re-live the fear and the death on too many occasions. So really, I have died many times inside in doing this. And death is the one thing I have been trying to avoid. No, that isn't accurate. It's maiming and pain that I've been trying to avoid. Rose, so have you. Who else has been? And yet, in the coping mechanisms we are using we are experiencing it far more times and far more significantly than if we would just give in.

I'm too old to be learning these things now. They can't be perpetuated any more.