be-musings

We've all done things wrong. Made mistakes. Hurt ourselves by our actions and more importantly hurt others by either action or inaction. We long for the undoing of these events. We crave for a life we had before them...or our perception of what we had, no matter how skewed and ideal we may have made that memory. We become people who live in the past and second guess our actions of the past. Did we say the right thing? The wrong thing? What could we have done differently to make this all a shadow...an unreality?
I've done things which embarrass me. Still do. I cringe at things I say. Public errors or indiscretions ooze out of me, and I stand wincing, hoping the impact will be minimal. Are there many of us who don't have these feelings?
I've done things which plague my mind over and over. Things from years ago. Things I've had to apologize for, have been forgiven, yet still rise to haunt me..to surprise me once again with their accusations. I berate myself for my foolishness - my humanity.
Christ has forgiven since the beginning of time. Or, at least since my salvation. There is nothing to surprise Him. It's all old news. To me it's old news too, but it rears it's ugly, twisted, maimed head to accuse me once more. To bring me guilt.

"There is therefore no condemnation"....but from myself.

It's a struggle we face. It sucks and it's sick. Sometimes we win the struggle for a season. We should be winning the war and putting it to rest. I hope for healing for me...and you.