be-musings

There are those whom, in the formation of friendship seek to control by giving their love. I have been guilty. Sometimes I think it is about the other person so much, but in the intensity it is clouded that it is really about me. I want to be significant because I love them. I want to do or show something that makes them realize how dedicated I am that I then become the most important person in their circle. I want to control my vulnerability by my obsession. Control the fear of lack of acceptance. Sometimes it becomes easy to shut down when the fear comes. To want to back off because the unknown is too scary to deal with. It's too uncertain. Will I be rejected? Will this not be what the other person wants or needs? Am I ready to be burned again if this blows up?
To love unselfishly is a gift that not many of us have fully realized. To give with no promise of reciprocation. This kind of love in a relationship is perhaps a rare find, shared with few in those special moments in our existence here. I can't bear the weight of this kind of love too often in my life, for its intensity is consuming. Every time it takes a part of me during the process of "acquainting", and yet at the same time it gives life to me. It can't be ignored when it comes, because despite the pain the gift is life-changing.
True love has no expectations.